1. Physical contact: At the end of every day when you first see each other, before you do anything else, simply hold each other close and relax for a few seconds. At the very least, kiss each other. This allows for the release of oxytocin, known as the cuddle chemical, which helps strengthen your emotional bonds and increase feelings of trust. When you do this you use your physiology to improve your relationship with little effort on your part. It’s a simple act but it can have profound positive effects. Do this every day.
2. Keep talking – even when you are annoyed with each other: Disagreements often involve a misunderstanding. It’s easy to misinterpret your partner’s silence and imagine what they’re thinking. Guessing what the opposite sex is thinking is a very inaccurate science! Disagreements can be resolved a lot faster by simply communicating with one another. You’ve always got to be open to the possibility that you’re wrong – and be willing to apologise.
3. Have your own hobby: There’s pressure on couples to do every single thing together but it’s important to follow our own interests, as well as doing things together. When you have time away from each other it makes the times you when you do things together all the more special. Conversely, if you do not share any interests together, this can create a rift and the relationship can suffer from lack of quality time together.
4. Be honest: Many relationship breakups occur due to a lack of communication and honesty with each other about various things within the relationship e.g. financial values, habits, goals, expectations, parenting style and other friendships. Honest communication from the start of the relationship is an essential element of trust.
5. Show love, respect and gratitude every day: Take the time every day to tell each other the things you love and appreciate about each other and try to not let a day go by without saying “I love you”.
6. Don’t forget what you were like when you first got together: Remember your partner as they were when you chose to enter into a relationship together. Way back when you were each other’s best friends. Remember who YOU were back then and take the time to be a pleasure to be around. When we put effort into recapturing how it used to be and how we used to be, it has a very positive effect and increases happiness.
7. Let them have a bad day: Learn to allow each other to have a bad day without telling each other to ‘snap out of it’. Mostly your partner’s bad mood isn’t about you and it will pass if you give them some space and support.
8. Learn to resolve disagreements in ways that strengthen your relationship: When you are in a relationship where you feel emotionally and physically safe, you can build trust and mutual respect by trying to see the world through your partner’s eyes, not just your own. This is especially important when you disagree because unresolved conflict can turn toxic. Focus more on how you can contribute to the relationship in a positive way rather than trying to change your partner’s behaviour – that is their responsibility. Remember, you control your own behaviour so choose your words and actions wisely.
9. Be thoughtful: Showing your love isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom. It’s also about the caring little things you do for each other around the house. Taking the time to find out what your partner likes, what makes them feel loved, and making an effort to do it.
10. Don’t be mean: Being mean is like declaring war on your likelihood of staying together. There is nothing to be gained by being mean to your partner, through words or actions. A good relationship has its ups and downs but constant meanness is unacceptable and causes long-term psychological and physical problems.
How are you and your partner doing in these areas? Do you need help to create the relationship you want? Contact me for a free 30 minute session to see how couple coaching can take your relationship to a deeper, more connected level.
Hi, I'm Anna Bradbury and I'm an experienced Life Coach and member of ICF (International Coach Federation). I love helping people and couples realise their goals and dreams. With your hard work and focus, my guidance, and proven Life Coaching techniques, you can achieve all you desire.